Bryan

Educated Spic

2008-01-08T04:15:21Z

I registered at BCC earlier today. If all goes well I should start classes end of January and have no social life by March. I'll be working full time, going to college, and going to classes to become a Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer all at the same time.

We work for the Umbrella Corporation

2007-10-31T14:14:59Z

"It didn't have to end like this betsy, but now look what you made me do!"

2007-09-04T17:51:51Z

Is it so wrong to want to pistol whip a cow, and then empty a 9mm clip into it while yelling at it? I mean I know it sounds weird, but it is definitely something I have to do before I die. Without retarded goals like that I really wouldn't have a reason to get out of bed in the morning. I don't want kids, I don't want a two story house with a picket fence, and I don't want a retirement plan. All I want are odd ball adventures, and a partner to share them with. Why can't I find a nice psychotic cunt to share my adventures with? Are there no amazing women left on this planet who don't think the world revolves around their vagina?

I think somewhere out there is a special lady pistol whipping a domesticated animal, and someday when I find her we'll get drunk and pistol whip a variety of things together.

DRINK ON NIGGAS.

2007-05-22T13:17:17Z

I can finally drink legally.

I command all of you to get ridiculously fucked up in my honor.

It All Starts Tuesday May 22, 2007

2007-05-15T19:55:48Z

If you're not a douche bag, and know how to rock out then join the Captain next Tuesday in the ultimate adventure of the year. It all begins Tuesday, but its not stopping until Monday.

Will you join the Captain and his crew?

ugh

2007-02-08T13:54:38Z

What I need is a drink right now.

Modays

2007-01-15T14:36:33Z

I wish you all a happy day and a brutal bizarre death. May your day be filled with friends, joy, and loved ones while the world is swallowed whole by the flames of hells.

Have a nice day, and Fuck you.

OMGWTFBBQ

2007-01-11T16:38:39Z

Fucking A I'm so bored and anxious. I feel like scooping my eyeballs out with melon scooper, stuffing them inside a rabbit and then cooking him alive for 15 minutes in a pre-heated 450 degree oven. Who the hell comes up with an idea like that?

My brain is melting and my sotmach is rumbling. I need more waffle cookies they are so delicious.

PSA

2007-01-11T02:28:41Z

Quickly kill yourselves now before you discover how boring life is. Trust me do it now and you'll be glad you did, I am like literally giving you the cheat code to life here. No more bullshit levels for you my friend you are going straight to the final boss.

Enlist Today...seriously enlist.

2007-01-09T20:00:22Z

Welcome to the social.

2006-12-29T15:30:40Z

Zune kicks so much ass. Fuck Ipod.

They wanna catch me ridin' dirty!

2006-12-08T14:02:39Z

I now drive the pimp-mobile.

Alcohol

2006-12-03T06:58:37Z

Rocks and sucks.

Nothing

2006-11-16T17:46:59Z

Nothing in this world is cooler than a new tattoo...NOTHING!

Why would they let me do that?

2006-11-07T23:02:22Z

I had every intention of casting a real vote, but then they gave me the option to write in my own vote. Why would anyone let me have such an option? WHY?

The Transformers: The Movie (1986)

2006-11-05T18:23:53Z

The Transformers: The Movie (1986) is the most hardcore movie ever made, this shit is raw as hell.

Don't believe me? Rent it.

Oh Google

2006-10-23T20:51:38Z

When will you stop amazing me google?

Try Googling your name, and the names of people you know, you'd be amazed to see some of the results that pop up.

Windows Vista Ultimate

2006-09-29T18:28:46Z

The only way to describe it is like this:

Imagine one of those retarded Apple vs. Pc commercials, except in this one the Bill Gates look a like stabs the Apple kid to death, takes his clothes, and walks away.

Energy Drink

2006-09-28T17:56:06Z

Cocaine Energy Drink

A song for Teresa

2006-09-23T16:35:15Z

Monday is my favorite time of year

I'm gonna tell you what I really think I like about Mondays
Cause they feel like Saturdays
When you don't gotto go to work
Every day is a holiday
I wake up when I want to
I do anything I wanna do
Can't wait for Tuesday

I really never liked Fridays (I don't)
I can't do what I wanna do (Like to)
Sold out at the movies (Go out)
Can't eat at the restaurants (Weekends)
Everybody want a good time
But the bar's full of cigarette smoke
I think I'll stay home
I think I'll wait for Monday

I live a 5 day weekend
I gotta year long holiday
Thank God it's Monday
The only place that I gotta go be
Is at the show or on the first tee
Thank God for irony
Nevermind the aggravation, modulation
Gimme another key

I'll tell you why I like Tuesdays (Wednesday)
Cause the're kinda like Christmas (New Years)
Come to think about Wednesdays (Thursday)
Are a little like Hanukkah (Every day is good)
Thursday's Thanksgiving
I'm talking about good living
I'll think I give thanks
Thank God it's monday

Dear Anne,

2006-09-12T14:21:40Z

YOU ROCK!

Ernesto

2006-08-30T00:19:37Z

Do people even watch the news anymore, or did everyone just decide to make completely unsupported claims about this storm?

Oh well. We may not have a "hurricane", or a real "tropical storm" for that matter, but we do have hundreds of households full of gasoline.

I hate Florida.

Disassociation

2006-08-23T23:17:55Z

I'm not a real person.

Myspace War

2006-08-20T21:10:33Z

My war on myspace finally ended with the deletion of my myspace 6 hours after it began. In total I attacked over 60 users with horrible images from the web, bombarded several communities with an excess amount of porn, and assaulted dozens of people over the messaging system.

If I could go back in time, I'd do it all over again.

Snakes On A Plane Will Win

2006-08-18T14:19:16Z

On June 3, 2006, Samuel L. Jackson said, while presenting the award for best movie at the MTV Movie Awards, "I'm here tonight to present the award everyone's been waiting for: best movie. Now, this award holds a special place in my heart because next year I'll be winning it for Snakes on a Plane. Now I know, I know that sounds cocky, but I don't give a damn. I am guaranteeing that Snakes on a Plane will win best movie next year. Does not matter what else is coming out. The New James Bond... no snakes in that! Ocean's 13... where my snakes at? Shrek the Third... green, but not a snake. No movie shall triumph over Snakes on a Plane. Unless I happen to feel like making a movie called Mo' Motha-fuckin' Snakes on Mo' Motha-fuckin' Planes."